When musicians perform but don't have a ton of fans, it's hard for them to understand if their material is any good or not. It's weird. They get out there and do their thing, and they hope that people like it. But the feedback loop for musicians is confusing because people (also bots) give compliments all the time that they don't mean, even with good intentions. Their friends and family are trying to be polite because they care about them as a person, and they may be genuinely proud of what they're doing. But that's not the same as actually liking the music. They may or may not.
For me at least, and I suspect most other musicians, insincere compliments are rather obvious. Here are some examples from the real world:
- Good job!” is so ambiguous it means nothing.
- “Congratulations!” is a weird one, because it says absolutely nothing about the perception of a performance or song.
- Quick statements like “I like it!” or “Sounded good!” followed by a different topic don't feel that great because that's not really how someone talks when they actually like something. They probably just feel like they have to say something.
What matters the most is when someone says or does something that they would only do if they actually liked the music. Examples of ways to send a signal that you mean it:
- Tell them about how a particular lyric meant something to you IF IT DID
- Say why you like their music IF YOU DO.
- Compliment their music at a time when there's no social pressure to do so. Out of the blue. IF YOU MEAN IT.
But…what if you don't? Frankly, there are tens of thousands of new songs published every day and most are terrible. Here's what I would recommend doing if you like a person but don't actually like their music: say nothing. It's ok! A mature musician knows that we don't all like the same type of music. They're not looking for every single person to like their music. In some cases they're just trying to figure out if it's good enough for anyone to like it at all. In other cases they're looking for stories of authentic connection to the music. It's OK that you're not feeling it though. Let the people who actually do feel it carry that message. If you say nothing, they probably won't even notice.
Another perfectly good option is to say the truth… that it's not really your thing. If you do it with love in your heart, humility, and respect for the musician, it will go over well. People have with me, and usually it just leads to laughs. Listen, I don't love the Beatles. I still respect them. That's ok.
One more thing.
I believe the biggest compliment you can pay a musician isn't in words, but in deeds. It's simply this: listen to their music. Just once. It's incredible how many people won't do that. It is hard to get someone to listen to a song once. When it's clear that nobody is listening to your songs (play counts are tracked), it's abundantly clear that they're not into it regardless of what they say. Listening to songs, especially online, is something we only do when we mean it. For me, the only thing that feels better than seeing that people are listening is hearing those rare heartfelt connection stories. You can't fake either of those.
So those are my tips, which may get modified over time. Music is a personal, sensitive thing, and musicians are head cases. Thank you for wading into that mess.